Donology (The non-scientific study of donuts.)

(Not to be confused with donology (spelled the same) which is the non-scientific study of Don.)
As you probably are aware, donuts exist in nature in many forms. Some have become highly domesticated while others remain very wild. It is these wild donuts which hold special interest for me. I have traveled far and wide in search of the wildest donuts and have studied them in some detail. Below is a summary of some of my findings.

To study the wild donuts, you must first travel to where the big herds congregate for self protection from the many predators which exist in the wilds. Here is a picture of a typical medium size herd with a lone Donopthor (Engineerus Munchus) stalking them. Note how the wildest donuts try to hide themselves between and under other less wild members of the herd. Unfortunately for them, their brightly colored coats tend to give them away. However, as is often the case in nature, this same trait often makes them the last to be attacked. My research has led me to believe that the explanation for this is that most predators are afraid of these "show-off" donuts. There is probably good reason for this although I have yet to determine exactly what it is.

Here is a close up aerial photo of the same herd. Notice the pair of brightly colored donuts. These are members of a sub-species known as Donostrus Sprinklus which has developed a highly visual coat which, in a strange way, seems to help them survive. The one on the right (the female) is the subject of a further study of mine.

It is probably important to point out at this time that the only known way to study donuts dictates that said donuts must ultimately lose their lives. But the student should not take this too hard because, first of all, donuts only have a life span of a day or so (though some have been know to hang on for weeks) and secondly, all of the researchers I know of do not ever hunt donuts for the trophy only; we always eat the donisen (donut flesh). So, you see, it is all part of nature's great plan.

Warning: Shocking photo. Wear dark glasses!
 That said, here is a rather grisly photo of a donut predator feeding on an unfortunate member of the herd. Notice the general feeding frenzy all around. This herd was eventually completely wiped out. However, thru the amazing resiliency of nature, exactly one week later, a new herd was roaming the great halls of this wilderness.

As I mentioned, my main area of study has been the sub-species, Donostrus Sprinklus which is commonly known of as "Sprinkle Donuts" or just SDs. And, of course, the most facinating part of an SD is it's sprinkles.
Below I have compiled some example photographs taken to illustrate the amazing findings from my study in Sprinkology.
Using powerfull and extremely high-tech, whiz-bang, way-cool, very-expensive microscopes, I have penetrated to the very core of a donut sprinkle to discover it's secrets.

These shots are progressivly closer and closer views of a typical sprinkle.

DOW #5 in it's entirety
I include this picture here just for reference. (It is also visible from the main donut page.
Close up of a section of sprinkles.
Notice the pretty colors. (Some not otherwise found in nature!)
Closer up of the same section of sprinkles.
This photo used a different, higher tech microscope which allows more detail to be shown.
Two isolated sprinkles.
This photo used an even more different, even higher tech (donetron) microscope which allows us to bombard the specimen with high velocity donetrons and then analyze the secondary donetrons which escape from the surface.
Notice how, when studied under this magnification, the survival instincts of the donut finally kick in and it's sprinkles lose all color as a last ditch effort to blend into it's surroundings for protection.
Some researchers, after seeing this amazing photo, have sworn to never "study" a sprinkle donut again as long as they live. I guess you have to be strong to persevere in science.
The equivalent of a high altitude aerial photograph.
Notice how the sprinkle actually has sprinkles!
Primordial donut hole!
Though predicted by theorists for years, this is proof that there are still many very small primordial donut holes floating around the universe. They are the last remnants from the "Big Bake" which happened bizillions of years ago and created the universe of donuts, cakes, hot-dog buns, etc which we see today.
Close up of a sprinkle on a sprinkle.
As far as we have been able to determine, this "mirror tunnel" effect with sprinkles within sprinkles continues indefinately the closer one looks. Isn't science fascinating!?
The most amazing discovery of all.
When we discovered that the spirit of Gumby actually lives in every sprinkle, even us hardened researchers were shocked. What does it all mean? Why are we here? Where are we all going? What flavor donuts does the spirit of Gumby prefer? So many questions..... So little time to eat donuts.....
WARNING: Creationist View:
I try to be an unbiased and highly scientific scientist so I must tell you that there ARE other theories about donuts. To show how open minded I am here is a letter I got from someone with a different world (of donuts) view. He might be right.... But I DON"T THINK SO! It sounds a bit like classic Donut Box Thumper rhetoric! ........ 8^)
(....Thanks to David Poissant for his great alternate view and sense of humor!)

I would like to thank the many fellow researchers who contributed to this noble body of work to enlighten humanity.

Comments or suggestions?
Mike's homepage